A few weeks ago, we got the good news: The World of The Hunger Games official online store is opened!
Finally, one centralized location to find the majority of the official Hunger Games merch that’s out availa– Ehhhh, nevermind. There’s actually very little Hunger Games merch featured in the store at all. But there are still a few options! They range from fun stuff like those Funko POP! figurines (D’awww so cute! We want them all!) to Capitol Couture tees (for the love of all things, PLEASE stop trying to sell me on this crap.)
We looked through the store and while it’s mostly the usual fare, but we have a few quick reactions to make!
1) We will never own this fucking cowl
We saw it in the physical store when The Hunger Games Exhibition hit New York City. We rushed over to it. We held it out in our hands. We checked the price tag and promptly said “Oh, to hell with that!” The funny part? It was $20 cheaper then! We realize that it isn’t necessarily being mass produced but.. seriously?! It seems our bank accounts are not big enough to support our Hunger Games habits.
2) Mellark Bakery is a regular ol’ Dunkin Donuts
This must be Mellark Bakery post-revolution, at which time Peeta has apparently turned it into a corporate entity. Because isn’t coffee a rare commodity in Panem? And really, who said “You know what Hunger Games fans would love? COFFEE. Especially considering the rest of our advertising is geared toward teens, some of whom probably haven’t even discovered coffee yet.” Sorry, but I’m not gonna pay several dollars more for the branding here!
3) Cardboard Pocket Peetas (and Katnisses and Gales) seem pretty impractical
This 8-inch cutout figurine is $10. BUT HOW DO YOU TAKE THEM ANYWHERE?! Do you realize how easily we could crush or mangle a cardboard standee that’s this small? We’re pretty sure we’d all pay more for legit action figures than live forever with tiny cardboard characters that forever maintain that “I got folded up once” look!
4) War just keeps on getting trendier
This pink, orange, white, and brown phone case with some black arrows thrown in is called “Katniss At War”. Because obviously, the arrows scream KATNISS and the color scheme says WAR. And then we wonder why more casual audiences have trouble taking the last couple films seriously as war movies!
5) Someone needs to step up their character recognition game
Look, Cressida and Boggs are cool. But if you expect someone to buy a $100 wall-to-wall fathead, they’re not necessary to our series dedication. How about some Finnick? You keep telling us Prim was important, so where is she? Effie, anyone? A little drunk Haymitch? We’d rather have a composite of Katniss, Peeta, and Gale with any of those characters than these fives just because they’re in matching outfits!
So now, per usual, you know have we really feel. This isn’t to say there isn’t anything cool in the store. There’s plenty we want! But merchandising is a crazy, crazy thing and well, we figured we should cover that too!
But Seriously, Those Funkos Are Uber Cute,
The Girl With The Pearl