Oh, Liam! It was supposed to be amazing, wasn’t it? Harrison Ford, Gary Oldman, YOU, a hot chick to hang off your arm, and loads of tech! Paranoia had all the elements of a summer blockbuster!
… Too bad about that freaking awful script. Here’s hoping you got paid really well to spew those lines out!
Paranoia made only $3.5 during its opening weekend, which is less than the top movie made on a single weekday. Relativity replaced its marketing director following the flop, which isn’t a huge surprise considering total lack of advertising. But the good news is that critics, despite not liking the film, are typically not blaming the acting!
It’s hard to make a name for yourself, especially when you’re best known as “Gale from The Hunger Games” and “Miley Cyrus’ Man Candy”, but we know you can prove yourself! The film industry is a tough and it takes time. Everyone on The Hunger Games set has had great things to say about your natural talent, so we’re not taking this downer as any sort of reflection of your abilities.
So meanwhile, here’s some tips to help you get over this bummer, Victor’s Village style:
1) Food of questionable nutritional value – Hot pockets, ice cream, and chocolate are not good for you physically, but they are mental health GEMS.
2) Awesome fantasy films – Because nothing takes your mind off things like getting lost in a good action fantasy film. Try Star Wars or Harry Potter.. Oh, too soon for those reminders?
3) Books – They’re never actually about you, so it’s really easy to forget that feeling upon seeing the box office numbers.
4) Music – Something calming and poignant is good to help balance out any bad vibes. Or maybe something angry or depressing to get it all out of your system. Just not Miley. Because she CAN, in fact, stop.
5) Looking at scripts outside the action/thriller genre – Okay, maybe we don’t do this one. But now is the perfect time to try to BRANCH OUT. You seem to love that kinda stuff– Expendables, Paranoia, Empire State, and the upcoming Cut Bank, for example– but it’s very hit or miss. Mostly miss. This is not the Golden Age of action films anymore. Take a chance! Take a page out of Jen’s book and go for something totally out of your comfort zone. Because that genre could be your bread and butter, but it could also be your downfall.
Try, Try Again!
The Girl With The Pearl