Doing our year in review post reminded us of our occasional “Why You’re REALLY Here” posts, in which we dissect real keywords and phrases that have lead people to Victor’s Village via search engines. It’s about time for another one!
To repeat, people have actually searched these phrases and found their way here. Because they’re so repetitive and numerous, we’ve left out everyone looking for various forms of sexy times featuring the characters or actors this round. Seriously… it’s about half of our search terms. We wish that were a joke.
In today’s post, all of them have been searched at least twice in the past 30 days. Prepare yourselves!
Fish Guy Star Wars – Fish guy? FISH GUY?! How dare you speak of the honorable Admiral Ackbar, the character whose one line gets the greatest unintentional laugh in the entire original Star Wars trilogy, in such a way! Learn some respect! Also, as to how you were lead to a Hunger Games site: IT’S A TRAP!
Was that really the one time you kissed Gale? – We’ve never kissed Gale, because Gale is a fictional character. We’ve featured first person guest posts, but this isn’t “The Katniss Everdeen Diaries” now! Are you really so desperate for gossip that you’ll try to get it from a fictional character?!
How to make Hunger Games trading cards – Buy tons of supplies. Print tons of photos and descriptions on card stock. Spend hours printing, pasting, gluing, and decorating. Never trade them because homemade Hunger Games trading cards are absolutely worthless. Go online and buy some like a sensible human being.
Ron Howard shirtless photos – We realize he’s a solid actor turned director and back in the day he wasn’t all the bad to look at but DEAR GOD! WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT THIS?!
Dismissing criticism as haterz – *cough* Do we do this? Maybe? WITH THE Z? Possibly. We’re just that classy! Let’s make it worse with a girl band song from the turn of the century!
The Hunger Games boarding school fanfictions – That would be one FUCKED UP boarding school! You think that these kids would just get out all their frustrations in other ways if you give them beds, but NO. They’re trying to kill each other, people! WRONG SETTING.
Katniss and Peeta pregnant – AT THE SAME TIME?! We don’t think science has reached that achievement even in Panem but hey, maybe we’re wrong.
Sexy panic game – The words “sexy” and “panic” really don’t go together in our book! Do we need a safe word? If so, it’s “armadillo”. We know it’s a mouthful, buuuuut… *ends joke there before we really get ourselves in trouble*
Friends who blackmail you – The Hunger Games will not save you! You need better friends. Possibly a lawyer. Godspeed.
At Least We’re Being Honest With Each Other,
The Girl With The Pearl