Tuesday night. Half price movie night at the local theater. Between a rainstorm, strawberry margaritas at Chili’s, and a fiance who loves cheesy action films, things got crazy.
That’s right… we have seen The Expendables 2!
***Just a note that THIS IS CHOCK FULL OF EXPENDABLES 2 SPOILERS and if you have any interest in discovering this movie on your own terms, don’t read it!***
Of course, The Expendables 2 is THE stereotype of a “man movie”, but it’s kind of fabulous in the sense that it is completely aware of itself. Everyone involved in the making of this movie knows it’s a cheesy action film. Therefore, they spread on the cheese extra thick.
And thus… poor little Liam! He is pretty much the only non-action hero in the bunch, therefore he doesn’t get to take part in the shenanigans! He’s the guy who gets to play everything straight while everyone around him is ridiculous. He may also be there for that 4% of the audience that needs something pretty to look at, because Sly and Bruce just ain’t cuttin’ it these days.
In fact, we imagine that the writers were specifically trying to punk him in certain scenarios, like this:
Writer #1: Okay, we’re trying to explain why this young gun left the military. I’ve written in the justifiably traumatic experience, but it’s not enough!
Writer #2: Let’s make Liam talk about how the military shot his dog as if that’s more important than the scars of battle. That will make people take him seriously!
Liam plays the promising young’un of the group in the film filled with middle-aged men… which of course means he dies 15 minutes into the movie. If I were him, I’d be a bit peeved at this point. First, they edited his character out of the first movie, then they bring him back just to have someone to kill. Better have been a damn good paycheck, because it’s not doing much for his filmography!
But damn.. Liam’s first on-screen death is a MAN DEATH. If you’re going to get killed off by a bad guy in an action movie, a Double Shadow knife roundhouse kicked into your heart is the way to do it!
I don’t really need to rate this movie, because we all know exactly what it is: A semi-amusing clusterfuck of older action stars killing bad guys and making fun of their own careers (Chuck Norris tells a Chuck Norris joke and it. is. glorious), without much Liam Hemsworth in the mix. But since many of you will not watch it yourself… NOW YOU KNOW.
Maybe I SHOULDN’T be so willing to watch every movie featuring Hunger Games stars…
The Girl With The Pearl