Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus! Looks like Hemsy finally put a ring on it!
I too will be making my way down the aisle. Though you guys will probably be getting married way before us, seeing as you’re young and beautiful and rich (and will likely get fancy wedding stuff for free because vendors want celebrities to showcase their stuff. How unfair is that?!)
ANYWAY, we’re going to hope that time Liam’s brother Chris Hemsworth said he couldn’t imagine you two getting married was a decoy rather than disapproval, jump off the judgement train since we don’t actually know either of you as people, and give you some wedding advice!
Do not try to pull off a Bohemian hippie chic wedding, because then you end up looking like this:
And your children, grandchildren, and the rest of society will assume there was heavy drug use involved.
Clearly, appeasing The Hunger Games fans is your number one priority when planning your wedding! Therefore we demand your gather inspiration from The Hunger Games wedding theme! It is genuinely beautiful, even though no normal person could ever get away with it. But celebrities could! …Just don’t give Miley a bow and arrows.
Do not be the entertainment at your own wedding. Jumping on stage and giving a long speech or singing a love song may sound tempting, but there is NOTHING more pretentious, especially when you have professional singer friends who will do it for you for free (Again.. why is life so unfair?!)
Don’t rush into it! If you’re married in two months, everyone will assume you’ll be divorced in five months. Hell, you gave People the exclusive on your engagement AND the ring, yet the ring post links up to their “Gallery: Celebs that Wed Too Young”. Everyone already assumes you’ve got something to prove, so don’t haul ass through your wedding planning and prove them right.
Pretend The Last Song never happened! It’s neither of your faults that the land of Nicholas Sparks adaptations became a treacherous road of suck after The Notebook. You didn’t stand a chance. So if some ignoramus asks how you met, make up something a little less embarrassing. Maybe just say you were both vacationing on the beaches of North Carolina (or wherever the heck you filmed that.)
Prepare for everyone under the sun to assume Miley is knocked up… and please don’t actually let that be true! We don’t think it is, but that lingering voice in the back of our heads has us afraid for the future of humanity.
Lastly, invite Liam’s Hunger Games co-stars to the wedding! We’re always skeptical about this “big happy Hunger Games family” approach all the stars take. And frankly, Hemsy, you are the least convincing of them all, mainly because you don’t know how to smile in public without forcing it. Send some invites to your co-stars, let them buy you overly expensive gifts that you don’t even need, and maybe they’ll forgive you for smiling like this most of the time:
If your wedding does turn out totally obnoxious, we will laugh at you. It’s pretty much our job,
The Girl With The Pearl